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Friday, April 28th, 2006
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1:08 pm - Farewell all!
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As the school year draws to a close, State and Dearborn and home feel very far away. I still can't believe that we're all splitting up, that I said bye to Adam and Todd, that I won't walk over to WQ anymore, that I won't be in Ann Arbor for who knows how long.
We had a great night last night--dinner at Olive Garen (eh) and then chillin in WQ with many fun people. It was a good way to end the year.
But "I just keep rollin along." Though I know I'll look back on this semester sadly (because it's over), there are many other things to focus on. Disillusionment later? Who knows. But it was a great term, and "no, no, they can't take that away from me."
Signing off from my dorm in EQ. Thanks all, it's been a blast.
current mood: sniffly, sad, preoccupied
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| Thursday, April 27th, 2006
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10:08 am - Won't you be by my side?
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My roomie left a little while ago and now the room looks so empty. It hit me walking back into this bare room that we're all really leaving and that I won't be back for four months. The halls are all so quiet. I think I'm going to miss beastquad. At least, I'll miss throwing the curtains open on a sunny spring morning and looking down on the trees, the flowering shrubs, the blue sky, and the Ann Arbor skyline. I think reality is going to take a while to sink in...
current mood:  disillusioned
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| Saturday, April 22nd, 2006
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3:18 am - Who's got the last laugh now?
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What a fun, silly night! First, Emily, Kira and I headed to Greenwood, got lost (heaven knows how!) and wound up at Ryan Pelavin/Jeff Pulker's house. Odd. Then we met up with Matt and Elise at Greenwood--it was nuts there. People were all in the streets and Todd's house was packed. Some flip-cupping occurred and much random walking around and Matt lost his phone.
Then we went to Church street to say hi and tons of cool people were there. Some of them stopped by Greenwood while Matt, Cona, Emily and I went to Backroom. Then Em went back to ADPi and Matt and Cona went back to Greenwood to retrieve Matt's phone (hooray!) and I went back to Church street to hang out. Such fun. I wasn't obliterated at all but it was cool seeing everyone and chilling and talking and just wandering around the city in the warm weather.
Callyn, Todd, Adam and I ended up at Backroom again and now here I am, about to go to sleep in my own room on a Friday night (for once, haha). This was the last weekend of festivities, though I know fun will be had on Wednesday and Thursday next week. But after that...summer will be fun because the weather will be fine and there are many exciting events to look forward to. But this year, this semester...it all went by so ridiculously fast. If things persist at this rate, we'll all be graduating next Tuesday. I remember thinking that about high school too and here I am...
What fun it all is! Good night!
current mood:  hiccups and sleepy
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| Tuesday, April 11th, 2006
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12:38 am - So this is college... and one final hurrah
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So this is college-- I keep saying that to myself. Starting now and continuing next year I have to make up for lost time. I just got back from having a midnight snack with Cat, Diana, Todd, and Christine. Mmmmm, colliders... Today was another chill/productive day-- another good work out, many hours of reading, much walking around the city. What fun it all is!
This weekend was great too. Friday was less than ideal in some ways but, ultimately, it was another opportunity to hang out with friends. So I really have no complaints. I am also quite a fan of late-night conversations and sleeping on Cat/Jamie's couch.
Saturday night was crazier. Everyone was at Dave's house and we all had such fun dancing around and being silly together. Wow, how many great people were there? I can't count. It was the perfect way to say farewell to fiesta-ing because now it's time to get back to reality and focus on studying for finals. The night was followed by a nice Sunday brunch at south, relaxing in my room, lunch at noodles, walking around the city, and going to borders. But what a great night... I think I will look back on it as a turning point in my college experience. I'm already looking forward to a speedy summer followed by similar fun fall nights.
current mood:  just plain happy
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| Wednesday, April 5th, 2006
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11:28 pm - Springtime for A2
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Today was a lovely spring day filled with many small personal victories: I accomplished all three things on my to-do list for the day! I usually just blow them off on Wednesdays but today, I was determined and successfully rewarded. I also had a fantastic workout. I haven't enjoyed it quite that much in ages-- must've been the weather. I was sweaty and worn out and I know I will sleep well tonight.
Anywhoo, spring is here! That means finals, getting everything straightened out for Israel, and figuring out courses for next year. The courses part is the most fun, strangely. The Israel trip seems a little odd, almost as if it isn't really happening. And yet, I will be making flight & hotel arrangements soon... Summer is odd too. It feels like a very long time ago and though I'm sure this one will be fun, I know I'm going to miss school. So many cool people to hang out with, a fun city, good classes-- why wouldn't I miss that? I'm sure we'll all have a splendid time next year in our respective apartments but I like being able to just drop by WQ and see many cool people in one place. It will be different next year, though still good.
Oh well, it's spring! I usually think spring is a very cliche season but hell, I'm a Michigander and we love our nice weather while we have it. This was quite pointless, but oh well.
current mood: accomplished & tired
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| Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
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10:08 pm - Follow your instincts... for better or worse
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So I'm not going to London this summer. I followed my gut instinct and though I can't base my decision on much more than that (and money and not getting credit, though those do not matter so much), part of me is whispering "you made the right choice." It's just a whisper though. I've been second guessing my decision since and it was hard arriving at it, but I still have a chance to go next summer. I'll go to Israel and work somewhere and go to Lollapalooza and maybe take a class and all will be well. It's just... the expanse of the summer seems much bigger now that a 6-week chunk isn't taken out of it. It was an excruciatingly difficult decision to come to but there it is. I can't even explain it.
I have plenty of things to think about and get ready before I go to Israel-- in 6 weeks! I'm very excited and it will be great fun and it feels like a good jumping off point for my abroad experiences. I don't know what to expect, but it seems tangible and palpable. I have high hopes for the whole trip and for the trips that follow-- Stratford and up north in May and June, Chicago in August, maybe Mexico in December, London or somewhere next summer, and possibly South Africa the summer after that-- eeek! The only thing better than looking forward to all these trips, I hope, will be the trips themselves.
current mood: laughing
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| Sunday, March 19th, 2006
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7:58 pm - Everything looks different in the daylight
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Whoa, last night was nuts. I bonded with Adam and Todd and Cat and Callyn and all the other people who I don't live with but wish I did. The crazy hat party on Church street was crazy for every reason except the hats. I don't know where all the hours went. Cat and I had a nice sleepover in Kelly and Callyn's room. Great fun. There are no words.
Walking back to my room this afternoon reminded me of all the things that I have to deal with this week, or at least soon. Going out and having a fan-freakin-tastic time passes the hours, but it doesn't make everything else go away. At least I know I'll never be one of those people who tries to drink away their problems. It doesn't work. But it definitely brings everyone's idiosyncrasies to light, for better or worse. Last night was definitely for better.
current mood:  procrastinating
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| Monday, February 20th, 2006
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11:28 pm - Should be studying for the midterm craziness...
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I was just thinking about college and I was wondering which place I will ultimately associate with the most. I assume it will be UM because I'll have spent the most time here when it's all over. But I did start at MSU, which made a lasting impression, and everyone still introduces me as their friend who used to go to State.
But then it hit me-- when my college experience is over I'll have had so much more than everyone else. I spent a year at State and will probably end up doing my master's work there; I'll have spent a semester plus a summer or two taking classes at Dearborn; I'll have lived in Ann Arbor for over 2 years and will hold my degree from U of M; and rounding it all off, I'll have spent a summer in London and will hopefully, either during undergrad or for a grad program, spend a summer in South Africa. I will have the most incredibly diverse education and will have reaped benefits that I will spend my life figuring out.
So many things are happening or, rather, have the potential to happen. It's all one big out-of-body experience.
Hmm, I should remember this in case I need a sappy essay for some application or other...
P.S. I ordered a sweet South African CD today with the song I have been looking for for ages-- can't wait til it gets here!
current mood:  anticipating
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| Friday, February 17th, 2006
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3:48 am - Oh what a night...
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Emily and I had a fantastic evening dancing ourselves silly. We had dinner with Kate and Alanna before and then Em and I went out.
We probably danced for a solid two hours, sweated like crazy, hailed a cab, and went for backroom pizza. Gross? When it's 2:30 in the morning you just don't care anymore.
Oh, and I got burned by some guy's cigarette, jerk.
But we had a BLAST. We had some delicious fake-bartender-made skittles drinks and some real-bartender-made LIITs. Yum.
But now, the combination of adrenaline and exhaustion is wearing thin, and I need to sleep.
Goodnight!
current mood:  exhausted
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| Thursday, February 9th, 2006
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1:56 am - I've got a singular impression things are moving too fast.
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We put down the first payment on the apartment today. Yikes. I think I'm going to develop the same fear of signing things that Cat has...
I hope this works out. I hope I don't starve or freeze. I hope I don't go broke. I hope I can get some good temporary summer job and a job next year and, if I go to London, I hope I can get a job in some sweet coffee shop to make some money and friends on the side.
P.S. When I first wrote this, my apostrophe button wouldn't work. Go fig.
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| Sunday, February 5th, 2006
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12:58 am - Realizations left and right
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Sometimes I think I talk too much and that I annoy people. Right in the middle of a sentence I realize I need to stop but I just have to finish my point and then I regret it afterwards. Thanks a lot Dad. Oh well, at least I'll never be accused of being completely antisocial, just awkward at times.
There were a couple times like that tonight. It was bizarre really-- I suddenly noticed that there are moments which I clearly perceive that other people miss. But then, I think I'm inconsistently hyper-observant and they probably catch things that I miss constantly.
And then, the people-- there are these people who I am suddenly friends with who, I realized while I was walking home, I didn't know 4 months ago. I guess that's college for ya. Well, here I am.
Taking psyc and reading Girl, Interrupted makes me think everyone has something of a disorder in them. Everyone suddenly seems to have OCD or be schizophrenic, including me. But we've all had those times when we can't filter out the world and its never-ending series of contradictory stimuli. Imagine if you were like that all the time... Sometimes the schizophrenic don't seem all that abnormal.
This obsession with classification and categorization to the extreme bothers me. I mean, why must we all be positioned into black, white, male, female, gay, straight, sane, insane, etc.? It's all just a specturm to me-- we're all really red, act nuts at times, and gender and sexuality need not exist. Why must we all stake a claim to one end of the continuum or the other? It's so much less trying to say that we're all everywhere and anywhere.
Something about the snow makes me like this-- its frenetic yet calm beauty leaves my head flannely and at rest with the never-ending questions. I'm sure James Joyce could describe that better, damn him. I wonder how long a schizo would need to recover from a snowstorm...
current mood:  thoughtful
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| Monday, January 23rd, 2006
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8:08 pm - Back in A2
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Holy shit we're all so old. 'Nuff said. But... I am looking forward to being able to order wine with dinner or a beer with some nachos. Or have someone else do it for me, which will happen first.
P.S. Blackthorn is fan-freakin-tastic. One of these weeks Leah and I are going to go see them at O'Mara's. I miss her :(
current mood: tired
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| Friday, January 20th, 2006
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12:48 am - And I say yes, I feel wonderful tonight
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This morning I thought "Julia is the only person I have ever been comfortable with." It's odd, bizarre even, that I thought that thought because our relationahip was/is marked completely by awkwardness. But perhaps that's what you earn--comfort--from growing up with a person; from being silly together, being confused together, making mistakes together and with each other. I thought of this while discussing Portrait of the Artist in English 433 this morning (it made me think of Sala too, needless to say). I began thinking about badminton and how lovely it would be to have a net in my yard and how lonely it would be to have no one to play with.
I had a lovely dinner with Martin tonight. He's a smart fellow-- it's so nice to talk with a true intellectual in every sense of the word. It reminds me of home in a way. He and I have many similar challenges ahead, but I'm sure we won't end up in the same place at all. He's brilliant. If I was as devoted as he is, maybe I'd have more to show for myself.
P.S. I go to U of M! Eeeek! I completely, fully realize it at the most random times. It's very overwhelming-- like drowning. And, I'm making a real life here. I have a future ahead of me-- soon I'll have a major, a degree, a career. But first, I have an apartment on Church or S. Forest with Cat :)
P.P.S I have the best friends. I love you all. Thank you for a very, very happy childhood. May it never end.
current mood:  satisfied
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| Friday, January 6th, 2006
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1:08 pm - A2
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So I'm mostly moved into my new dorm room. I still have to bring more stuff from home this weekend and the floor is still dirty and the wiring is still messed up, but all is well. Oh, and I don't have my internet set up and my schedule isn't solidified, but that will all change soon. I met my roomie and she's a sweetheart. She's never there, but I haven't spent much time there yet either. Last night I hung out with Emily and her friends all evening and the night before I was with Jamie and Matt. For now, I'm at Espresso Royale using their wireless and I'm going to get lunch with Kate in a bit. And then this evening should be fun, hopefully.
Learning to miss two homes is going to be strange. At least, I hope this will become like a second home to me, but then, what of the original one? It's all so odd-- I feel like I've been here for ages but everything feels new and foreign.
current mood: sniffles
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| Thursday, November 10th, 2005
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5:18 pm - Dungeness
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If you just follow the car in front of you, you end up vomiting on someone else's lawn instead of your own (which is where you should really leave your own insides). Sometimes it takes you to a pretty house but it's not yours, so it doesn't matter anyways.
damn metaphors
current mood:  numb
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| Wednesday, November 9th, 2005
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11:48 pm - November-- it comes and goes
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There's nothing quite like feeling warm, full, and cared for on a blustery November night.
"All I know is I've gotta be where my heart says I oughta be
it often makes no sense, in fact I never understand these things I feel."
current mood:  unmotivated
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| Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
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9:48 pm - "Yes, the desert seemed so promising, but then it paled somehow..."
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I've just found out that the RENT movie comes out on November 11th. Part of me is jumping for joy at the thought, but part of me came to a realization-- I won't have anyone to go see it with. I wouldn't force it upon mom because I can't do that so much anymore. I suppose I'll finally discover why Rachel liked going to the movies by herself so much.
So, I have two dates for November 11th or there-abouts. I have a date with myself to go see a potentially disappointing/amazing movie and to have a possibly depressing/enlightening afternoon, depending how you spin it. I also have a date to go see Mr. Guilmet and finally tell him that I still have "In Flanders Fields" pinned to my bulletin board.
No promises, but I intend to keep both dates.
current mood: clamy
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| Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
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4:58 pm - Am I doing the right thing? Anyone? Anyone?
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Fall makes me anxious and neurotic and artsy all rolled into one. It just feels like everything is coming to a head and I have to deal with it after all.
"Every silver lining's got a touch of grey."
-Grateful Dead
current mood: ???
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| Thursday, July 21st, 2005
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9:18 pm - "Start me up..."
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I've been feeling this void lately-- a void of art, expression, writing, emotion, theatre, music, freedom, creativity and understanding.
I'm working at BBAC again and it's great. I had no idea how much I missed kids and clay and being creative and being around enthusiastic, artsy people. While I'll always be an outcast because I'm not an art major of any kind, it doesn't really bother me; being an outcast is cool, haha. I'm working with Audrey this year (Keara stopped by for a visit today, though) and it's awesome-- she's such a fun girl. We both went to the Ani concert last night, though I went with Case and Becca, and it was such fun. It was very relaxing to just sit back on a fine evening and listen to music that actually means something; that has a real poetry to it. It was fun catching up with Case and again realizing that there are people out there who appreciate some of the same things I do, even if I don't completely fit in with them either.
I've been working on this clay book project at work for my mom's birthday and I think that's what really sealed it for me-- I realized that there's this screaming person inside of me struggling to get out. While I'm not going to throw in the towel and change my major to fine arts (I'm not that stupid), I feel like something has to change. Dance and yoga classes are a good start, but I need to incorporate into my life again the things that really stir me up.
current mood: stirring
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| Thursday, June 30th, 2005
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11:38 pm - Gotta make up for not updating for over a month...
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Well, the summer is about halfway over and there's nothing good about that. I can't believe tomorrow is July! I guess it's kind of fitting that I would update today.
So, I'm not working at You're Fired anymore, which sucks, but on the positive side, I'm working for the lady that Eug works for and it's a great job. Also on the positive side, BBAC finally raised their pay!
I had a fabulous time in Stratford with my mom, I babysit my cousins every so often, I've been to DYC a few times, I've watched an obscene number of Sex and the City episodes, I had a lovely trip up north, and I'm getting back into the yoga and dance pattern. And, of course, I get to see Eug whenever I want!
Getting back to dancing is weird. It's been two months since I had classes with Suzanne and over that period of time I've come to realize how special and amazing she was. I often wonder if it weren't for her classes what school would have been like. My ballet teacher now, Lauren, is so incredibly different from Suzanne and it makes me wonder if I will ever again have a teacher like her. I know that the last time I saw her wasn't really the last, we'll meet again, but I'm not exactly sure when or how. I didn't go to her classes the last few times I was at my aunt's house, but I could definitely see myself just randomly driving up to East Lansing one day, if I got in the mood, just to drop in on one of her classes.
Speaking of long-time-no-see people, Lizzie is in my ballet class. It was such a coincidence when she was in my hall at school because I hadn't seen her at Temple for years, and now she's back again. Unfortunately, someone is trying to play a mean trick on me, first with Antoinette and now Lizzie. Usually when I'm in a dance or yoga class I like to just be anti-social and do my thing; that's kind of the point. But then, Miss. Perfect Antoinette showed up in yoga last spring and now Lizzie in ballet. It all at once feels like an invasion of privacy and competition when someone tries to befriend me like that. It sounds mean, but its true. But, as was the case with perfect Antoinette, as soon as I stopped letting her bug me, I enjoyed my classes more and became friends with her. And I know that's going to happen again now.
I doubt I will see Antoinette again; after my Econ final fiasco I couldn't make it to the last yoga class with her, but maybe I'll find a way to send her a message or something. It's funny how there are different people like that: people you expect to see again but don't, people you don't ever expect to see again, and people who you know that, no matter how much time passes, you can and will be the same with them. I knew I wouldn't see most Stratford MT 04 people or any MSU professors again and somehow that was okay; I guess I just let them go. The disillusionment that followed Stratford MT 03 occurred because I couldn't let those people or that time go. Then there are people (Alex, Rachel, both Julias, Suzanne, my family, some teachers at Groves, etc.) who have known me for long periods of time or have meant something special to me and that makes them different. Some have faded in and faded out, but they're there and, in a way, I know they always will be. When I look back and wonder about the people I have met in the last year and before that, it makes me really appreciate the people I have and the people I will always have.
Looking back over the summer so far, I can't really say what I've been doing. All I know is that it's going by fast, it's fun, and I love it. It doesn't help me be a better person or figure out what the hell I'm doing, but I guess I spent the year agonizing over that, so maybe I deserve a break. I also can't believe how long it has been since I was in the regular schedule of the school year. It feels so far away. And ya know, with that too, I have no idea what I was doing.
current mood: something
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